There is a social problem that has far reaching consequences we don’t speak of.
It is a problem that has the ability to tear at the fabric of our society and diminish us as individuals.
Most of us, by the time we get to adulthood have suffered huge losses that needed to be responded to.
As children many of us have been greatly affected by things that we have lost or have had taken away. Those losses left us hurt, and our hurt not addressed will leave us injured to the point of being unable to function fully as we move on with our lives.
How many of us have suffered from close friends moving away when we were young? Some of the most significant friendships we ever knew were broken apart when families split up or when a close friend’s parent was transferred.
How many children have had to manage with the break up of their family?
Parents separate and divorce. Mother here, father over there. Sometimes siblings are separated because the family can’t stay together.
As adults the list of losses is long.
Broken love relationships, whether it’s the deep, infatuated love of teenagers or the lost relationships of committed marriages that have failed, leave us damaged. These are places where we invested so much; now gone, often with little or no care for the hurt.
How many have lost a job? The company had to cut costs or close. The boss did not care for you or you messed up, or maybe you simply put in your time and retirement found you.
How many parents build their lives around their children and have to watch them grow and leave? Children “go away”, off to nursery school, grade school, college or university, off to life.
Some we may know have suffered the tragedy of losing their “things”. It might have been fire, vandalism or dreadful weather events that took their things away. We become attached to our possessions. They have deep connection and meaning and their loss leaves us empty and battered.
Of course there are others; each person reading this will be able to fill in their own story, something was taken from you, something that hurt. A time when you needed help to say how you felt and some care and attention to get you through the mess.
We barely acknowledge death.
We do very little if anything at all about the countless other losses in our lives that hurt and leave us damaged.
Every time that we don’t take the time to respond to what has happened to us, how our hurt and losses have maimed and scarred us, we deny the chance for healing.
For each of us, what we lost and the weight of it may vary, but we all have a closet full of times when someone or something has been ripped away. Times we were left with tears or anger, periods when we felt abandoned and lonely.
I collaborate here with Elaine Egan who sees raw, difficult grief every day. Elaine is not only a funeral director, but is as kind and gentle a person as I have ever known. Her compassionate, sensitive nature will help us bring to grief, the caring, kind response that it requires.
Help Me I Hurt, looks at the pain we suffer from a loved one’s death and from some of the other places where loss causes us to hurt. It is meant to bring back memories. If you allow it, it may bring a little peace too.
See if you don’t find yourself remembering, and see if even now, maybe years after you pushed it away, there isn’t some chance to uncover the wound and finally begin to feel better.