There are a number of emotions that you may have to deal with when faced with grief.
Many of these feelings are common to most people who lose a loved one through death.
There are no absolute rules where your saddens is concerned but many people who find themselves distraught over the death of someone that they love, do, sooner or later, come face to face with feeling angry.
For some, that anger is directed at the physicians or the medical staff who may have cared for the person who died. You may feel like they didn’t tell you the truth or try hard enough to help your sick relative or friend.
Some will feel that their loved one did not get the kind of care and attention that they required, while others are left feeling like the medical staff in general treated the person who was ill with disinterest.
Some may be angry with friends or relatives for not helping or caring more.
Others may be angry with God for what seems so often to be unfair treatment of the person who has died and maybe unfair treatment of you too.
Sandra was very angry at God and at life.
Jack was a good man. He was kind and considerate always had time for others, loved to be generous and thoughtful and yet he still died a miserable death. I too have been decent and caring. I have always tried to be sensitive to others, yet I am left shattered and empty. Life isn’t fair and I am so angry with God or whoever decides these things that I am not able to function properly.
Some may be angry with the person who died. This one is very difficult to express but real nevertheless. Now you are left alone. Now all the plans and hopes for the future are gone and often anger is the resulting feeling.
Others are angry with themselves. There can often be a strong feeling of not having done enough for the person who died or if the death was sudden, then an angry feeling at not saying and doing things that you meant to say and do.
When my father died two and a half years ago. I was filled with anger at myself for not doing more for him and angry with the medical staff for what felt to me like a lack of care and concern.
I berated myself for not being a better son and caregiver and I felt angry with some of the hospital staff for their uncaring, disinterested approach towards my father.
There are two things that you need to do to cope with and address your anger.
First, you need to acknowledge it. Admit that you are angry and try to put your finger on exactly where the anger is coming from.
This can be difficult. It requires that you be very honest, Identify the source of your anger and come face to face with it.
It doesn’t matter what the cause, it only matters that the anger has you in its grip. Identifying your feelings and the source of them is the first step to dealing with your anger.
Admit it. Tell yourself, then maybe a friend or someone with experience how you feel. This is the first step to beginning to overcome your anger.
Next time I will teach you what to do once you have acknowledged that anger “ has you.”