Grief hurts a lot.
It hurts beyond words to have someone that you love die and it hurts a great deal to have something taken from you that you counted on, needed or were attached to.
Any major life loss is very painful.
We use the term “grief work” when describing what you have to do when you are trying to deal with a death or any important loss in life.
We speak of grief work because working at your feeling of sadness, anger, despair, loneliness or what ever you struggle with is really hard work but work that must be done.
You can, and many people do try to avoid their painful feelings. But i want to assure you that there is no short course to dealing with the hurt that grief brings with it.
Ignoring, avoiding or pretending that you don’t feel what bubbles around in you will not help you in the long run.
In fact, strong feelings that are left unexpressed and therefore unresolved will come back to trouble you at some point later in life.
So when you are sad, find a way to express your sadness, don’t push it away. Cry or moan, or find someone who knows how to listen to you hurt.
The same applies to any feelings that you struggle with when you hurt.
Don’t push them away, or ignore them or act like everything is fine.
This is where “grief work” comes from.
Allowing your feelings to surface, hurt you and then taking the time to acknowledge them, express them and deal with them is very hard work.
It’s running the marathon every day but only in doing this painful work can you hope to get on top of your feelings and one day, come to manage them, instead of them managing you.
If you know someone who is grieving, don’t talk them out of their feelings. Don’t diminish what they are going through and don’t discourage them speaking of their discomfort.
Try to stay close to them. Try to be still and quiet and most importantly, try and assure them that their courage to face their feelings is brave and healthy.
You can read more by getting a copy of I Can’t Stop Crying, Grief and Recovery a Compassionate Guide or by going to