When you ‘re in a mess, hurting or lost, it can be very difficult to hear what others are saying. Words run together or simply sound like noise. If someone you are very close to dies, whether it’s anticipated or sudden, the shock can be and often is so severe that almost everything seems garbled and mixed up. The unreal nature of the event can be so difficult to take in that...

One of the most common concerns for those who have friends or relatives who are struggling with feelings of grief, is “What can I do to help?” It can be very difficult to watch someone that you care for be affected by sadness, loneliness and the feelings of despair that grief often brings with it. Without turning this into a list of do’s and don’ts here are a few very importa...

There are so many people who become lost in life. There are so many who “fall through the cracks”. So many who lose their footing and simply can’t manage to do the things that allow them to participate in what we might call “usual or regular” daily life. There are, I suppose, three main reasons why people become lost. Of course there is the struggle and strife that can so e...

I walked a crowded street with my son yesterday. Part way through our journey he asked, “ Why are there so many people who seem so lost, so messed up? I went through the list of most likely possibilities that came to my mind. Chemical imbalance or wiring problems was my first thought, people who have a “ medical condition” where coping with daily life is difficult. From there...

For you Richard.. I sat with Richard a few days ago. His young son had died very recently. He was beside himself, consumed with hurt, really having little idea what to do or how to respond to his pain. “I hurt more today than I did yesterday. It’s not getting better and there is so little help.”  “People know my story, they know that Alan just died and yet they either say t...

Grief hurts a lot. It hurts beyond words to have someone that you love die and it hurts a great deal to have something taken from you that you counted on, needed or were attached to. Any major life loss is very painful. We use the term "grief work" when describing what you have to do when you are trying to deal with a death or any important loss in life. We speak of...

Grief is a part of our fabric. We all understand loss and yet generally we aren’t very good at dealing with all that loss brings with it. Grief comes from many places. We understand that death brings grief but few of us give life’s other losses the time of day. It doesn’t matter whether you feel sad and lost from the death of a loved one or the death of a family pet. It doesn’t...

Sometimes writing and reality have little in common I have recently experienced loss. My mother died a few weeks ago and that has caused me to reflect, recall my father’s death three years ago, search and remember. In addition to thinking of my family, my upbringing and my history, I have felt a great sense of misery over another reality that causes me to feel loss and grief....

There is no way that you can experience what it means to have someone that you love die and not be scarred forever. This doesn’t mean that with a great deal of hard work you won’t again feel able to face tomorrow and what life brings with it, but things will never be the same. Until you have been touched by the agony that the death of a very close loved one offers, it is diffic...

When you hurt, what you need most of all is real understanding and care. You don’t want to hear empty words or probably any words at all. You don’t want to be offered meaningless clichés. You don’t want an escape or entertainment. Really what someone who is hurting may need more than anything else is to be cared for at a genuine level. It doesn’t matter if the pain...